YO BRO IT’S ME LITTY

Lately, I’ve had an itch to start a podcast. The idea would be to record conversations with interesting people about interesting things and post them on this blog. I’m a sucker for a good conversation and I wish I would have more of them. Perhaps my motto of “small talk is for midgets” hinders the genesis of many unborn enlightening conversations. So let’s turn this into one big digital audio petri dish!

The goals of these podcasts…
1) Talk about things that will interest all of you
2) Talk about things that will interest me
3) Have good conversations
4) Experiment with a new digital medium
5) Get Big Sexy to do the “Yo Bro It’s Me Litty” intro

I don’t plan on having a regularly scheduled podcast, but rather do them when I have a really solid topic and person. I’ll probably keep it audio but might also sprinkle in a video chat here or there. It would be great to hear your suggestions on potential topics or people.

If you’ve ever heard me on the phone you already realize this is a dubious idea. I make Ben Stein sound animated (at least I’m not as nasal as the Sports Guy). When I answer the phone the voice on the other end of the line usually asks me if I’ve just woke up. It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the day and I’ve just funneled a dozen Red Bulls. I just fake yawn and answer “yeah” as it’s easier than awkwardly trying to pretend like I care about the upcoming small talk…

I’ve already failed at starting a book club so flopping at a podcast can’t be all that hard. Besides, I helped invent podcasting. I know my little sis doesn’t believe me, but please do indulge me.

Back in 2005, I was just ignorant and clueless enough to think that leading up the company podcasting initiative would put me a step closer to corporate super-stardom. Despite the ridicule form the non-podcasting heretics, I devised a strategy, created a technical solution and process and even cut a deal with iTunes. I helped my partner in crime, Mr. Remer, to sell a podcasting sponsorship. At the time CSTV, was there third official sports podcasting channel. I actually began the conversations on a mega deal between CSTV and iTunes to distribute NCAA tournament games and highlights…but flew the coup and wandered Europe instead of seeing the deal through.

Anyway, welcome to the next phase of the Littyhoops media revolution. You’ll be hearing from me soon!

I’m dead serious. Please send me topics or people that interest you. My guess is I’ll start with March Madness but also have health care, LOST, interesting startups, nutrition, travel and NBA off-season on my radar.

One of the most interesting business opportunities on the L-Hoops radar is the ability for small businesses to leverage digital to locally market to their customers. Put more plainly, how can the pizza place, neighborhood bar, barber shop, arcade, bowling alley or Japanese massage parlor use the web as a marketing tool to drive new business?

Small business owners have long ago figured out the key to advertising and marketing while brilliant MBA’s, award-winning agencies, and self-proclaimed “marketing gurus” hopelessly manipulate the 4 P’s of marketing into buzzwords of mass destruction. The simple principle: only spend money if it leads to making money!

Local businesses are advertising the same way that they did a decade ago. This includes the obligatory phone book ad, penny saver coupons and local print publications. If they want to go Hollywood (think car dealers) they pony up with a super cheesy thirty second radio or television advertisement. Case in point…

Until recently, there have been few truly effective (effective = money making) digital platforms for local small businesses to advertise efficiently. The one true success, Google, happens to also be the greatest company of this generation. For those who think Google is just a nifty tool to help pickup French chicks, the true value is that it enables businesses to place small text ads on relevant search result pages AND allows the advertiser to easily track the result of their advertising expense. But there is a tremendous opportunity that goes way beyond Google. Just ask your local pizza place, neighborhood bar, barber shop, arcade or bowling alley. My guess is that many small business owners just aren’t nerdy enough to be advertising through Google. In fact, small businesses often look at their web presence as a cost center in which they have to pay to develop and maintain their own website rather than as a revenue generating marketing play.

New digital start-ups try to conquer the local space because of the vast untapped market but the well runs dry before they ever see substantial advertising revenue. Dating back to the dot com days with Microsoft Sidewalk, to hyperlocal news sites like Backfence.com and experiments from the Washington Post, the local space has been a digital albatross. The cost to create local content far outweighs the non-existent revenue from the zipped pockets of non-digital local business owners.

Thanks to the ever-evolving digital landscape, local businesses now have a plethora of digital resources they can use to help drive sales. Restaurants have an increasingly significant reputation to maintain on review websites like Yelp, Menupages and Citysearch. Businesses can use Facebook fan pages combined with highly targeted facebook ads. Twitter is a fluent platform to instantly connect with customers. There is also a renewed focus and investment in local email newsletters (Thrillist, Urban Daddy, Flavorpill and enhanced television and newspaper websites. To take the place of failing print media companies, local news (Everyblock, Patch) and relevant blogs and blog networks (Outside.In, Placeblogger) are taking their place. An even more promising development is the progress of the mobile web which is naturally location conscious. New apps like Four Square, Loopt and even BBM have tremendous potential to connect advertisers with potential customers. This NY Times article does a good job sizing it up.

Before we all have a neighborhood block party let’s realize it’s going to take at least another decade for Joe the Plumber or the average small business owner to be digitally-aware enough to do their own online marketing. This creates a neat little digital black hole.

Great local digital applications for users.
Meager local advertiser revenues.

In this situation I think the middle man wins. Who or what can help local businesses advertise digitally through the many new local platforms? How can that scale by city or neighborhood? I don’t think an individual publisher or platform can scale on its own because the unit economics don’t work. By that I mean that the cost of monetizing in an individual market is greater than the current revenues generated from a limited local audience. But if the local sales costs can be reduced, or the audience better monetized, then the unit economics can make sense for individual platform/publishers. I don’t think the “middle man” is a marketing agency. That is too manual for the digital world. More likely, the “middle man” is some kind of automated market place that allows local businesses to efficiently spend on local advertising and see a positive ROI. Yeah, that is kind of similar to a Google Adwords model. But it doesn’t overcome the friction of bringing the non-digital small business on to the web. For once I don’t have all the answers! I would love to understand Google’s local strategy.

I’ve become a true believer that Sportsvite’s success will lie in local. Participating in recreational sports is inherently local. No matter how well we can aggregate a recreational sports audience, the most value to marketer’s lies in how Sportsvite can influence their local activity. As Sportsvite captures the attention of players within their community, it is creating a highly effective marketing platform. Now we just need to understand how to reach the local advertisers and then scale to just about everywhere!

First, let me state that I’m constructing this argument from the perspective of a sports fan. I’m not sure if my opinion is going to hold any ice if you’re infatuated with Bob Costas or if you are a gung-ho nationalist (sounds Chinese, doesn’t it). I’d also like to mention that I was lucky enough to check out the Winter Olympics in 2006 in Torino and I had a blast. If G-d (or that big rock that hit Earth) had a mulligan on creation, I would recommend that he/she/it just make the world one big never-ending Olympics. Color War forever.

I’ll also add that the USA/Canada Hockey game the other night was one of the most exciting sporting events I’ve watched in awhile. The real miracle - hockey reversing the trend of sucking a little bit more every single day since the Rangers won the Stanley Cup in 1994.

Like any addictive/obsessive sports fan, I’ve been consuming these Olympics like I would a Sizzler buffet after Yom Kipper. But, for some reason, it just isn’t as fulfilling as a plate of fried popcorn shrimp on an empty, repented stomach. I wrote about how I enjoyed the Summer Olympics in Beijing. I had done all the research on the story of Shani Davis (weirdo) and examined half-naked photos of Lindsay Vonn. Americans were performing extraordinarily well. I even had met a bunch of the athletes at the last Olympics (Hoops and Hannah Teter) and had attended many of these events. Yes, I’ve been to an Olympic curling match and even stayed awake to tell about it!

The WSJ mentioned that maybe it’s because what I am actually watching is a heavy dose of commercials (27% of total time), Costas (8.2%) sitting by a fireplace, and medal ceremonies. But I can live with that. I watch Sportscenter religiously and that is 0% live action.

I was close to putting my finger on it when my sister Courtney (I had shared by dissatisfaction with her) sent me this graphic.

It hit me like a Kermit Washington sucker punch.

Athletes don’t compete against each other in most Winter Olympics sports. They compete against a clock or, even more arbitrary, a corrupt judge. Unless you are Rain Man or a Daktronics scoreboard it’s impossible to split hundredths of a second. Therefore, every ski run, luge slide, speed skating stride and mogul bounce seem exactly the same. The only way to follow along is by understanding the splits and trying to decipher the emotion in the announcer’s voices. Unfortunately, Johnny Mosley’s voice doesn’t really ever hit the somber note. In his world, everybody’s killin’ it as much as the Dope!

Once you realize the timed sports are lame, you’re left with the “judged” sports. If you have ever watched the NBA slam-dunk contest or American Idol you already know that this is a total crock of Onion Soup. Figure skating gets to me the most. After they skate, the performers have to go to this little beema area and wait for judges to cut under the table deals that determine their fate. Meanwhile, I’m trying to count the number of grunts of estrogen that originate in Scott Hamilton’s larynx to figure out what place the skater will be slotted.

Imagine they didn’t keep score in basketball. Instead, they just played for awhile and then Bill Walton and Walt Frazier determined a winner. Actually, that sounds eerily similar to like the first three quarters of a regular season NBA game!

Snowboarding is not a competitive sport. There is no way to win. It’s an activity you do for fun. Is Shaun White an athlete or a real life reality television superstar? They might as well add Fist Pumping to the London games in 2012.

Curling is one of the direct head-to-head sports “competitive” sports. Go figure, it is a sport that people surprisingly enjoy. But, for all the hours of curling that I watch I have absolutely no clue what is actually happening. I feel like a chick (or my future wife) who will be forced to sit through hours upon hours of televised sports without really understanding or caring (but pretending too) what’s going on.

Short track speeding is actually quite entertaining. So is Roller Derby, the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest and the Kardashdian sisters. Those are not Olympic sports.

Biathalon is a combination of cross-country skiing and shooting. Huh? Really? It’s as if the Olympic Committee was trapped in Newark during one of those Nor’easter snow storms and was inspired to create a sport from what goes on in the streets in downtown.

That leaves Hockey. As the saying goes, even the ice freezes on a dog’s ass sometimes, eh. Can March Madness start already, EH?

I would change the world.

I would do this by turning every one of McDonald’s 31,000+ worldwide restaurants into food centers that promote and embrace health, education and the environment. Those are three of the most challenging issues facing society today. They are causes that will become increasingly damaging in future generations if they are not solved in this generation. Believe it or not, but McDonald’s is in the best position (more so than any government, charity or sitting President) to be able to accomplish positive change.

You might think I’m lost in the Barbeque Sauce (the best BBQ sauce in the entire world I might add). So hear me out.

McDonald’s does a better job of reaching and engaging a mass audience than any media company, news organization or communication company in the world. It serves 47 million customers (half the audience of the Super Bowl) EVERY DAY. McDonald’s is located in 119 different countries. People everywhere understand what the golden arches represent - a tasty, affordable and quick meal. McDonald’s is one of the most recognizable brands across the globe and its products (Big Mac, McNuggets, Happy Meal) are almost as well known. The point here is that when McDonald’s does something, everybody, in all corners of the world, receives the message and comprehends it in a similar way.

The obvious place to start is with health. I would change the entire menu to focus on nutrition and healthy eating habits. I’d phase out all fried foods, milk shakes, and desserts. Replace French Fries with baked potato strips. Apple Pies with Apples. Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit with egg white omelets. Stress fresh foods, fruits and vegetables and a balanced diet and focus on portion control. McDonald’s has such a great influence over society’s diet that these simple changes can sway children to grow up eating healthy and shun bad foods as they now do for cigarettes.

Next, I’d focus on education, especially for youth. Nutrition is obviously a natural topic but I’d also use McDonald’s to hold classes on enrichment or extra curricular activities for children, mothers and employment training. All McDonald’s should offer free internet access, a study section (similar to Starbucks) and perhaps even a low-cost computer station. Students with good grades would receive gift cards, discounts and special status at their local McDonald’s.

Finally, I’d make sure that each McDonald’s renovated their facility to adhere to the highest standards for energy efficiency. This would include carbon neutral locations, emphasis on using recycled materials, and obtaining food supplies from eco-friendly farmers and producers. McDonald’s would be an example of a green business and promote a green lifestyle.

These three simple movements would be more powerful, and precipitate greater change than any government policy, foundation or public initiative. Yup, it would make the world a better place.

You’re thinking this is impossible. You might be right. There are more obstacles than in the Eliminator on American Gladiators. Fresh, wholesome food would be too costly. Carbon neutral facilities are an expensive investment. Nobody would want to eat healthy food, especially at McDonald’s! People would just go to Burger King, Taco Bell or other fast food restaurants. Franchise owners would revolt. Shareholders would revolt. Etc, etc, etc.

I realize it might not be all peaches and (non-fat) cream to make this happen. It’s not easy to change the world. Especially if you’re a global corporation. Nobody expects you to do any good (Just don’t do anything absolutely horrible) besides making tons of money. McDonald’s made $22.8 billion last year, and they damn well better beat that this year if they want to be deemed successful.

But there are some trends and ideas that I believe can make the possibility of something like this happening more realistic. If you don’t believe me, believer Umair Haque. He’s to technology + business in today’s, or maybe even tomorrow’s, world what Dostoyevsky was to stories + themes. Haque argues that companies need to go from great (highly profitable) to good (virtuous to society). Check out the post here.

First, if executed correctly this would be the most genuine and authentic marketing initiative in the entire world. Authenticity is hot right now (although if you watched the Super Bowl commercials, you probably think that “lame” is hot right now). Pepsi passed up on Super Bowl ads this year to focus its entire marketing push around Project Refresh. At the end of the day they though, they are still just selling flavored, carbonated and caffeinated beverages. Does anybody really believe that Pepsi drinks refresh the world (as they claim in their commercials?). With that kind of boasting, there philanthropic efforts only go so far. If people really believed McDonald’s was foregoing profits to improve society they would rally around a genuine cause and shift the paradigm in brand marketing.

Thinking economically, these long run initiatives really would ensure that McDonald’s would be a profitable cornerstone of society. Efficient infrastructure would save on energy costs. Enabling restaurants to be learning centers would solidify them as local community establishments. Healthy food would promote eating at McDonald’s more often. Recycled products would save on paper costs. Haque argues that great companies that aren’t concerned with doing good will no longer be great in the next decade.

Without fully thinking this through, I’m going to propose that these initiatives should be subsidized by local and national governments through subsidies and tax breaks. It would be an effective means to generate impactful change in health, education and environment. Can you name one government initiative or public policy that could be more effective? McDonald’s would truly be a public-private partnership. I’m not trying to be political here but maybe I am doing just that. I also realize that the shades of gray in this idea can cover the Seattle skyline. How can we be sure that a franchise will not try and cheat the system by collecting the subsidy without doing the greater good? How can we trust McDonald’s? Does it make sense to regulate McDonald’s like we do for the railroads, airways and electrical companies?

Obviously this is more of a thought exercise than it is a prediction of how McDonald’s is going to refine their brand strategy. But how long can we watch worthless Super Bowls ads before we demand more from a brand for us to find value in it. Yes, a quality product will always be important. But a brand is more than a product. A brand message that shouts “buy, buy, buy” just doesn’t work anymore. We are too smart and too immune to the marketing tactics of the past. As a consumer, I’m ready for the marketing of the future. I’m not exactly sure of what that is, but it better be real.

Here’s a video of Eddie Murphy talkin’ MickeyD’s…

People in my network sometimes hit me up to learn more about what it’s really like to work at a startup company. They are intrigued with the idea of having more control of their career path, a bigger stake in the success of their company, and a more passionate work environment. Then again, perhaps they just want an escape from the soul-crunching monotony commonly knows as the “corporate world”.

Those who are not familiar with the startup culture in their own industry or city are sometimes uncertain how to uncover and evaluate career opportunities. Luckily, it’s not all that difficult to get up to speed. Entrepreneurs are eager to see their friends or associates take the plunge into the startup world. Just be persistent, energetic and resourceful…and by doing so you’ll prove to yourself and to those you connect with that you’re ready for the challenges that lie ahead.

I’ve been planning to write specifically about how one can evaluate a start-up opportunity. Then the other day my superstar dodgeball teammate Charlie O’Donnell wrote an interesting blog post about the misconceptions of MBA’s who are interested in startup opportunities. If you take MBA’s to mean anyone with a distinguished corporate/legal/b-school background that is looking for a mid-level to sr. opportunity than his post covers most people that I have connected with as well. I urge you to read it (and the comment discussion) before you continue on.

Let’s just assume that you’ve proven your value to a startup and now you’re evaluating an opportunity to join a young company. This is a bit more complex that evaluating a corporate offer where the clearly defined levers are the company reputation, salary/cash compensation and position/role. But in a startup, this can be shrouded in smoke murkier than the black stuff on the island . When I was evaluating different startup opportunities (before I started at Sportsvite), I felt overwhelmed trying to figure out which was the best one for me.

Last week I was helping my intern make a similar decision. He is contemplating a move to San Francisco to join a small ad network and was trying to determine if it was as good a fit for him as his Lehigh wrestling uniform was in college. We developed a framework of issues to resolve in order to make a comfortable decision. The key fundamentals of this are company, position, compensation, intangibles. He then worked through the issues, did the research, and dug for the answers he needed to make an informed decision.

I thought it would be worthwhile to share this framework.

Startup Status
Assuming you like what the company actually does it’s important to also understand the current state of the business. Startups come in all different shapes, sizes, philosophies and funding cycles. It’s important to understand where the company is in its growth and where it hopes to go. The obvious and easiest thing to do is learn how many employees are in the company. But that can be misleading, and I would suggest digging a bit deeper to understand the company’s funding and financials.

A startup that is venture funded often means that it has an exit strategy, specific goals with deadlines and some kind of management/organization structure already in place (although this will undoubtedly change in the future). Even the funding round (Angel round vs. Series A or Series B) or investors can hold clues as to the company’s projected path.

In terms of financials, key metrics include current revenues, burn rate and proximity to its break even point and subsequent profitability. This information can help determine the best case and worst case scenarios for the startup as well as the timing for those milestones.

Questions/Issues

• How is Company X funded and who are the current investors?
• Does Company X plan to raise future rounds of finance? When? How much?
• What is the projected growth of the team? What are the next hires/positions?
• What are the revenue goals this year? What is the 5 year plan? (Even if you don’t see specific financials it’s worth a discussion)
• What companies are your closest competitors? What startups have been successful in this space?

Position/Role
A startup is like a sports team. Not only is talent important, but every person needs to play a specific role in order for it to be successful. It’s super important to understand the exact position and make sure it’s a perfect fit. An All-Star point guard isn’t going to be effective on a team that already has a great point guard but needs a big man. Since most Startup organization are still small (less than 40 people) it’s not impossible to get an understanding for how you would fit within the entire organization. Speak to both people above and below you as well as others in lateral positions (since many startups are often flatter than large organizations) and you’ll learn a lot about the organization as well as the culture.

It’s good to begin a dialogue to understand how this position might evolve as the company evolves. In early stage startups, people are often asked to wear more than one hat. If the position includes both marketing and business development duties, find out when they eventually plan to hire someone and what role that hire might play. Also, if you come into an early stage startup (less than 10 people and early in its funding cycle) realize that there is a very good chance they will hire above you as the company matures. That means you can start by reporting directly to the founder or CEO but soon find yourself separated by one or multiple levels as the organization expands.

Questions/Issues

• What do you envision the perfect employee to be like?
• What are your hesitancies/questions with me fitting into the role/team?
• How do you see my position evolving in the future?
• Will I always report to you?
• What do you expect from me above and beyond the job description?
• Would it be possible for me to talk to other people in the organization?

Compensation
Startups are ALWAYS cash-strapped. If they act like they aren’t, that probably means they are wasting money (and that is cause for concern). When I joined CSTV, I figured they had millions and millions of dollars to spare since they had raised a staggering amount of capital from high profile investors. But I soon learned how severely we were burning through cash and how tightly we needed to stick to meager budgets. Since most startups aren’t profitable, it’s a race to get revenues up in order to be profitable or exit before the company runs out of capital. The more a startup keeps down their costs the longer they can go (kind of like a patron in the champagne room).

This means that the base salary will be low. It’s going to be lower than what your market value is in the corporate world. If you are in a revenue generation position, you might be able to negotiate higher commission or bonus structure.

To make up for the salary disparity (and to give employees a stake in the game), startups often offer equity in the company to their employees. I’ve found that it’s very difficult to understand the value of equity agreements (which is already uncertain since it’s usually based on the value of the exit). It’s difficult to quickly get up to speed on equity agreements so its important that you request all the proper documents (equity plan, corporate operating agreement, capital structure) and have somebody who has experience (either a lawyer, VC, or startup veteran) to review your equity agreement and help decipher a potential payout in different scenarios (which might depend on additional funding, that could lead to dilution, and exit value). As I was trying to understand my equity plan at svite, I actually found myself in a private email chain with Fred Wilson and Brad Feld (Two of the most successful venture capitalists in the world) and both agreed it is an incredible complex, unique and cloudy topic. Even with both their advice I was totally confused.

If you agree to an equity plan, make sure you sign all the appropriate documentation BEFORE you begin. If the company is in such an early stage that they haven’t finalized documentation, have your own lawyer put together a document that outline the agreement.

Questions/Issues

• Obtain copies of the equity documents; operating agreement and capital structure (at least understand the employee stock pool and amount of outstanding shares at the current valuation)
• Understand if bonuses can be taken in cash or equity?
• Discuss salary increase philosophy (influenced by additional funding, individual or company performance)
• Ensure that health benefits, retirement plan, expense account, etc. are aligned with expectations or assumptions

Intangibles
My most important advice is that you need to BELIEVE in the company and be PASSIONATE about it. The honeymoon ends as soon as you tie up your laces and start chopping wood (only to realize your Ax is plastic and made by Fisher price). A startup is a roller coaster ride and you need to make sure that you stay committed during the dips. The best way to do this is to truly believe in the mission, team, and eventual success of the company. Believe in the founders, in the management, in the concept and in the strategy. If you join a startup thinking you can do it half-ass or just go along for the ride then you are as off as a Chris Duhon three point attempt. As Charlie wrote ” If someone is hiring one of the first 10 or 20 or even 50 people in their company, they need to be awesome. You can’t hide in a startup and there’s no room for dead weight or mailing it in.”

Sometimes, there is room for some flexibility in a startup organization and you can actually influence some of the details that might be set in stone in a bigger organization. This includes vacation time, ability to work from home, computer and equipment budget, etc. In many startups your job becomes your life so it’s important that it’s comfortable for you. The perfect time to negotiate this is when you know you want the job but before you accept. These sweeteners can play a big role in your overall happiness. Do realize that as the company matures some of these perks might need to be adjusted.

Questions/Issues

• Do I believe in the founder, team?
• What is the background of the members of the team?
• Who in the organization has startup experience?
• Does this keep me up at night with excitement for the possibilities?
• What do I think I will learn here?
• What are the risks? What are the rewards?
• If the company fails, where will that leave me in my career?
• What will I do with all my chedder when we hit it BIG?

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Hopefully, this is a helpful framework to better understand and evaluate startup opportunities. I know I’m missing tons of good information so please leave your thoughts or experiences in the comments. As always, hit me up if you want to chat through this stuff in more detail.

A few of my recent video viewing experiences combined with a conversation with my old Official College Sports Network buddy Dimberg has me thinking about the future of television as we know it.

I wrote a post in June of 2008 called “The Internet Will Be Televised“. In the post I shared how intrigued I was by Hulu and how easy it is to hook up digital video to a large screen television. I also made predictions on which trends would most influence the television viewing experience. This included buzzwords like convenience, distribution channels, quality content, targeted audiences, and platform agnostic experiences. I don’t need to evaluate the accuracy of my predictions, because it’s now become pretty evident what will happen.

This month a New York City start-up called Boxee.tv officially launched its product. Its stated goal is to be the best way to enjoy entertainment from the Internet or your computer through your TV. Download the Boxee software and within minutes you’ll better understand how you will organize, find and consume video content in the future. Here is their video that introduces you to what they are trying to do.

I’ve also had a pretty awesome experience using ESPN360. Actually, my cable company (TimeWarner) doesn’t even provide the service, but I use a friend’s account to login remotely. The breadth of niche sports content is amazing and I’ve been using it to get my college basketball fix. I’ve also watched a few soccer games on ESPN360 and can easily envision a scenario where thousands of games are available to access on ESPN360 each week.

What has become blatantly obvious is that connecting digitally to a large screen television is way better than using a cable box. I actually wrote about how much cable service sucks in my previous post. There has been absolutely no innovation or advancement in the last few years - so, yeah, it still sucks.

Before I crown digital viewing as king, I’m trying to understand the economics. It’s the multi-billion dollar mosquito in the room.

Right now I pay over $100 each month for my cable service. That’s a staggering amount of dinero that I’ve come to terms with shelling out each month. The combination of Hulu, Boxee, ESPN360 and other digital channels costs me $0. I’ve been thinking hard about if cable is still worth the cost. If it wasn’t for live sports content, I would probably have axed it already.

This is where things heat up. Television networks and cable companies need to stop griping about how to split up their piles of gold (which they do whenever they have carriage fights) and begin figuring out how to keep their customers/viewers paying over $100 each month to access their content before they follow the fate of the music or print industries. When that happens, a giant vacuum basically comes and slowly sucks all the revenue out of the Industry. The consumer doesn’t mind because their experience is actually cheaper and better! If there is any lesson to be learned from the print/music sob story it’s the need to rally around technology and innovate when things are good and NOT just try to protect profits as long as possible.

I’ve listed out some things that television networks and cable companies need to do (and do quickly) in order to stay rich. If executed properly, the consumers experience will improve while the cable companies and television networks get to keep their monster revenues. If not done properly, we’ll all be watching television for free quite soon!

Equalize distribution channel monetization
I would pay just about anything to watch a new episode of the Jersey Shore. Currently, I can watch the show on MTV because I have cable. Besides advertising revenue based on audience, Viacom also makes a large chunk of their money by charging cable companies a per user fee to carry their channel. Approximately $2 of my cable bill goes directly to MTV. They are successfully monetizing me. I can also download the show on iTunes. Each show is individually priced so hopefully Viacom is making a similar margin as if I subscribed to cable. Finally, I can also go to MTV.com and watch the show for free. The show is on-demand, streams at high quality, and also comes with bonus content so the experience is just as good.

The prevailing thought is that I’m locked in as a cable subscriber so if I also view the show on MTV.com or iTunes it’s incremental revenue. Everybody likes to argue that digital viewing is additive and not cannibalistic. Therefore it adds incremental revenue, at least until consumers start to wonder if they still need cable. The best way to defend against this is to figure out how to charge for the content uniformly and monetize all distribution channels equally.

Charge for content, not cable
I should be paying to watch/access the Jersey Shore without regard to the platform I choose to consume it. I don’t want to pay for cable, I want to pay for content. If I’m paying for ESPN I want to be able to access it on television, the web, mobile device, my rad tv sunglasses or through the chip they implant in my brain (that happens in 2013). Cable companies are in the best position to be the content network partners because they have the paying relationship with the consumer and can ensure the aggregated audience (to ensure the advertising pipeline continues to flow).

This means I should be able to tell Boxee that I am a Time Warner subscriber and therefore get access to all the channels that I pay for through the service. I should also be able to have the shows upload to my iPod or mobile device.

A La Carte Pricing
I’m more than willing to pay for the video content I consume but I want more control over that process. If the cable company is going to bundle hundreds of channels that I don’t want and then charge me an extra $5 for the Big Ten Network then that seems like a rip off. Whoever gives me the most control of what I can access and charges me accordingly will get my check each month. (UPDATE: my bud Brodsky and the only guy i know actually smart enough to read the New Yorker just turned me on to this article about unbundling by James Surowiecki)

Advertising Innovation
Besides sports and live programming, the thirty second commercial unit/interruption is completely ineffective. It’s amazing to me how an entire industry can just totally ignore the effects of a widespread technology in DVR. Digital allows a two way relationship with the customer so start feeding me things that I want from brands that I use. I get it that advertising will keep my content costs down. But c’mon, do something more effective than waste my time with talking animals and cheesy jokes.

Lot’s of these concept are already happening in some form. Hulu is experimenting and innovating with the types of advertising units they incorporate into the content. Slingbox makes place-shifting seamless. Content provides like MLB are charging fans directly for their season pass and even distributing it through platforms like Boxee. Cable companies have begun to champion the concept of “TV Everywhere”. Comcast is in the process of launching Xfinity, a digital service that offers episodes of shows that are only available to subscribers of Comcast cable and internet services.

As I said, I’m interested to see how this all unfolds. The next 12-18 seem to be crucial for the Industry. It’s pretty obvious what needs to happen but in reality getting content networks, cable companies and other distribution players and disruptive technology to all play nice together seems almost impossible.

Please share if you have any ideas of grandeur on how a start-up can step into the tumult, mix things up, and grab a piece of the cheese. I also realize that Net Neutrality needs to be part of this conversation but not really up to speed of the implications of it. It’s a conversation that will be great to have.

As the only stinger in my near perfect Costa Rican vacation, I’ve decided to declare a holy war against Mosquitoes. In the Littyhoops circle of life, these blood suckers are my square peg. If I ever get my one-on-one, Sunday Night conversation with Hashem, I’ll be sure to grill him on the creation of these damn little gnats. And I won’t take the “it was such a loosey goosey” excuse no matter how prehistoric of an era it might have been. I’m thinking that the good lord might have meant to create those squiggly white spirit things from Pandora instead of Mosquito’s.

Why the hostility you might ask? Well, for ten straight days I was eaten like a slice of pecan pie at the Klumps dinner table. I had more bites than a stoned college kid’s fishing rod at the Spring Valley Trout Farm. My arms and legs were so bitten up that I did the Helen Keller (Houston, Texas) and scratched from my hips. In the amusement park known as hell, I had the VIP fast pass at the Mosquito petting zoo.

I repeatedly asked Doctor Beyda how many mosquito bites it would take to end a life (answer unknown) and then itched backwards to figure out how soon I would scratch out my existence. I resorted to wearing mosquito protectors (jeans) at night and carrying around a placebo stick (cortisone cream) like it was my Epipen. Each time I interacted with a new human, I curiously asked them how they faired with dem’ darn Mosquitoes. If they didn’t publicly disavow the entire Culicidae family of insects right to existence, I labeled them as an insect zealot infected with the “bug”.

I’ve started to research the potential for a Mosquito vaccine. I’ve offered Doctor Beyda a spot as my head of R & D but he seems a bit hesitant. Don’t worry Roy - you’ll obviously be my sales rep. If you think about it, there hasn’t been a major breakthrough since Dr. Calamine introduced his whack pink stuff. Talk about some Snake Oil, Calamine’s ponzi is one of the biggest scams since they started charging for extra BBQ sauce at McDonald’s. In fact, in 1992 the FDA announced that there is no proof that Calamine lotion is safe for use or even effective in treating bug bites. I’m sure we can develop Litvacide Solution to those same lofty standards.

Other ineffective placebo tools, and lowly competitors, include Citronella candles, yellow bug lights, electronic zappers or hanging out with purple martins who will actually dine on mosquitoes. Doctor Beyda suggests surrounding yourself with cups of Listerine (ha - that’s what happens when you go to medical school in a dessert!) DEET and other insect repellents are somewhat effective in preventing bites…and in ensuring that you first born son has two noses and talks like Bill Walton

The first tenet of any legitimate holy war is education and I’ve done my research. Mosquito bites, like headaches, are caused by the female. The she-mosquito feeds off blood by piercing skin with her mouth. While sucking blood, she also deposits some of her saliva into the skin. This saliva contains proteins that remain in the skin. A human body’s immune system may then react to those proteins, resulting in the characteristic torture.

Like Chia Pets, puddles and Slip N’ Slides, Mosquitoes do best in stagnant or standing water. Therefore they are most horny in roof gutters, wading pools, birdbaths, old tires and Bobby Digital’s palms.

I used to believe that I was at the receiving end of so many bites because my blood was as sweet as a George Gervin finger roll. Although annoying, I begrudgingly accepted this because it felt good to be desired by any sort of female. Then one horrific day, an Asian lawyer told me that everybody gets bitten and that I’m just more allergic to the bites. Because she was an Asian lawyer, and I a burned out blogger, I took her word as truth. BUT, according to the Mayo Clinic website, “Mosquitoes select their victims by evaluating scent, exhaled carbon dioxide and the chemicals in an individual’s sweat. Overweight men are most susceptible. Bingo! Not even my Neanderthal nightly snoring could keep the little buggers away from the irresistible sweet scents of my perspiration, halitosis and underarm odor.

One of my most troubling fears was that the torture of Mosquito bites would prevent me from relocating to Costa Rica after I have my ultimate mental breakdown, fall out of society and wander south. But then I learned that adults become less sensitized to bites if bitten many times throughout life. Therefore, not only will I not die with N+1 bites but I’ll become even more immune.

If all of this hasn’t sold you on joining my holy war than consider this - Mosquito’s can carry Malaria, West Nile and Dengue Fever! Heck, they might as well be included in the plagues sent down to Pharaoh (oh wait, they were). Malaria is to the third world what Swine Flu is to narcotic jewish Long Island mothers. Between one and three million people die every year from malaria (90% in Sub-Sahara Africa). If that doesn’t get you angry, check out this video of a mosquito raping a human.

As I was watching football the other night there was public service announcement to “text” a $10 mosquito net to the third world. I obviously did my part and donated a net through this amazing charity Nothing But Nets. Almost three million nets have been donated. Naturally, I then requested that they send me one for my own precious protection.

But enough with this low-tech netting stuff. I want to develop the vaccine. I want to annihilate and then eradicate their species. The only Mosquitoes that remain standing will be the band from Gilligan’s Island. I want to be the Grand Exterminator in Dostoevsky’s next novel . We’ll make them buggers endangered and cheer their extinction. Even Bill Gates is on my side! It will be like the big battle in Avatar, except this time the mean, ugly white capitalists will win. So sting away suckers, because the Littyhoops Nation is ready to battle!

I was fortunate to be able to get some time off over the holidays and checked out Costa Rica for ten days. It’s an awesome country and with some decent planning and a little luck, the vacation unfolded perfectly. The beaches, waterfalls, weather and Imperial beer were all pura vida. But one of the things I found myself appreciating the most was the break from my digital connectedness.

Besides a few random days off I didn’t take much time off in 2009. When I did, I was still attached to my laptop or blackberry. In fact, I just copped a netbook a few weeks ago to alleviate the stress of travelling without my computer - the tribulations of being a geek.

The first bit of luck came when my blackberry didn’t work in Costa Rica. I even gave it a half-hearted effort to call T-Mobile to try and fix it but to no avail. Without me checking my phone, email, twiter, etc. every 20 seconds, I learned that stuff happening within my line of sight is kind of interesting also! I have this vicious habit of checking my phone the instant I wake up in the morning, even before I am fully conscious. It’s a crappy and stressful way to start a day. Sometimes I even fall back asleep after I check my email and then I’m not sure if my overdue cable bill is reality or a figment of my theta state. Anyway, I digress.

A limited functioning blackberry is actually a triple whammy as my BBM and twitter were also down, and without a pressing need to carry around my phone I also lost my source for tracking time. I assured my friends that I could determine time from looking at the sun and that would be correct within a margin of error of +/- 90 minutes. Some might say that is about the same margin of time in which I operate even with a clock.

Interestingly, all the places where we stayed (and some were quite remote) had wi-fi. This is one of the biggest tech advancements in traveling over the last few years (GPS being the other MAJOR improvement). I used to have to seek out a business center or internet café, but now the internet comes to me. This was actually quite comforting as I knew that I could go online whenever I needed too. I was pretty good about checking email only once per day and was also able to use the connection to Skype home every few days to let my parents know I was still alive.

Finally, between the four of us we had no functioning digital camera. We did buy an underwater disposable camera but couldn’t figure out if it worked and felt kind of lame carrying it around. I’m not a big picture taker or picture poser so not having to stop and freeze mid-peak added to the relaxation.

It took a few days to unwind but eventually I realized I was disconnected. It felt fresh. Without digital distractions, I was left to live the life that was unfolding in front of me or in my mind! When that consists of rafting, surfing, fishing, reading and amazing beaches…well, that’s a recipe for happiness.

Without killing time bouncing around esoteric blogs and analyzing Division II box scores on the web, I was even able to polish off a few excellent books including The Rum Diary by Hunter S. Thompson, A Farewell to Arms and How Soccer Explains The World.

But even more interesting, was the sheer amount of focused thinking, reflection and introspection I was able to accomplish. An uncluttered mind leads to a new perspective that is often refreshingly clear. I realized that some things that were frustrating or nagging were causing an unnecessary amount of stress in my life. I thought about what I wanted to accomplish in the near future and the far future in much more simpler terms. It felt great.

I hope that all of my future vacations will allow me to digitally disconnect. I also want to figure out how I can do that in smaller pockets of time. It feels great and when I reconnect there is a lot less static.

I hope you had a great holiday season and a festive New Year. I wish you and your family a happy and healthy New Year in 2010. If you haven’t had a chance to do so, I highly recommend you take some time to get off the digital grid.

That’s right guidos and guidettes, it’s time to talk Jersey Shore.

When people first hear I have a blog they usually go “oh” with a look of disgust as they think to themselves what a nerd/dork I must be. To be polite, they then ask me what I blog about. My response is that I write about whatever is on my mind. Lately, I’ve spent lots and lots of time thinking about the amazingness of my new MTV friends from Seaside.

I didn’t expect much when I first heard Da Bwetty talking about the show a few weeks ago. I kind of dropped out of the MTV game at some point between the Real World sucking for the 5th season in a row and having to watch a show with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey where they do everything other than what people want to see them do (Ronnie would call it “pounding”). I’m actually allergic to most reality television as the stupidity irritates my brain. Yet, through the reality show prowess of Da Bwetty, Kosh and my two sisters I pick up a lot through osmosis. For instance, without watching any of these shows, I somehow know that Johnny Bananas is the dude to meat on The Ruins, Russell is taking Survivor by storm and that Jon and Kate’s eight kids are named Cara, Mady, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah and Joel but that all those little people don’t get in the way of Jon pounding out as many chicks as Tiger Woods.

So after getting a heads up text from Brett, I flipped on the season premiere. Within seconds I was hooked. This show was the most unexpected pleasant surprise in my life since my doctor told me my cholesterol dipped under the Mendoza line at my last check up. The character introduction for J-Woww was all I needed to understand I was watching the future of reality television. Let me share it share it verbatim.

“I am like a praying mantis. After I have sex with a guy I will rip there heads off. I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me its cool in the beginning, we do our thing, and then I send them on a roller coaster to hell. I have so many girls that hate on me, because whatever they are, they can’t compare to me.”

If only I could introduce myself with as much bravado, Littyhoops would be hitting 90 million homes on your cable dial instead of having a few dozen begrudging email subscribers who have the blog posts going straight to their SPAM filter.

At some point I realized that this first episode was actually two hours. Pure Ecstasy. A few moments later I was pissed at MTV that they wouldn’t be showing this three times a week like they do for Big Brother. Then I started licking my television screen. Later somebody mentioned that MTV has a full summer of footage, and four months to edit the story. That’s when we realized this show was going to be a season long highlight real that rivals “One Shining Moment”.

As my college buddies will attest, one of my purest and most unadulterated joys in life is instigating crazy people to do crazy stuff. I’m not sure why this is and consider it a character flaw. But I can’t help myself. I think my overwhelming curiosity to see what happens trumps all logic, reason and maturity. This genetic abnormality is unbelievalbly stimulated by the Jersey Shore. There I was jumping up and down rooting for the show to get crazier as it progressed and I wasn’t disappointed! The situation goes down! Pauley D throws a haymaker and has his penis pierced! Vinny gets pink eye. Ronnie makes Ron Ron juice!

I was pumped going into the second episode but was underwhelmed. Just like that, I think the magic might be gone. My big hope was that the “punch” would take episode #3 to a whole new level as I’ve watched it in slow-mo at least 500 times.

I was thinking that they could have Ted Demme or Tarentino like directing and start the episode as Snickers gets knocked out. They could then play the episode in Rewind (think of the NaS song) so it would seem like you were hitting the back button on your DVR. Snickers screaming at the random meat head, Snooki taking shots, Snooks grinding on the dance floor, Snucky bumping rails in the bathroom, Snicks doing her hair and make up, Snooky sucking juice out of pickles, etc. There hasn’t been a more climatic “removed scene” since Quarterback Joe Kane lies down in the middle of the road and reads Sports Illustrated in The Program.

I’m writing this post now for much the same reason I’ve been bragging about St. John’s. They’re both peaking! One month from now the Johnnies will be below .500 and Pauley D. will be lamer than Spencer Pratt. But for now I’m going to suck all the juice out of this situation.

A few other things worth mentioning….

• I love rooting against the Situation. Haven’t been this amped to see someone fail since watching Kevin Brown pitch.
• I was glad to see Angelina and her garbage bags take a hike. She’s one heck of a talented and miserable rooster blocker. If she took the Situation’s advice and went anorexic and then converted to the tribe she would be strikingly similar to many a SDT Michigan chicks circa the turn of the century!
• The nickname The Situation is brilliant. He actually speaks in the third abdominal. My sister suggested that Littyhoops should name his stomach Buddha and walk through Murry Hill allowing chicks to rub it.
• Props to my buddy Ross and the BeenVerified.com team for seizing a great opportunity sneaking in obtain a television commercial in the second episode and picking up some great press on TMZ and other publications.
• What’s up with the landlord/t-shirt store owner. They could have done much better casting this guy. I’m thinking Ira from Fire Island.
• My friend Blake would be absolutely perfect for this show. He has the energy and vocabulary to excel in the house. Plus, his entire body mass could fit into Ronnie’s thigh which would make the dynamic even more entertaining.
• I would rather bob for apples in a dengue fever infested cesspool in Mumbai, Indiana than jump into that roof top hot tub.

Favorite Lines
“In walks in this girl with garbage bags. I thought that was kind of like ghetto and weird. You cant find a suit case. Nobody in your family has a suitcase you can borrow.” - Pauley D

“I thought you were like vomiting your brains out and I don’t want pukey breath on me…I don’t have time for stupid bimbos.” - Sammi Sweetheart

“You have your penis pierced. I love it” — J-Woww

“Everybody Loves Me. Babies, Dogs, Hot Girls, Cougars” - The Situation

This is far and away my favorite line. I’m thinking of going around telling people “Everybody loves Littyhoops. Aardvarks. Klan Members. Tweens. Parapelegics. Hermaphrodites.”

For your viewing pleasure, click this link to go to the actual blog post so that you can watch all the embedded videos.

You, like most of the sane individuals in our world, might just suspect that Ron Artest is a loon. After all, this is the guy who stormed into the stands to cause the most outrageous brawl, and some of the best reality television, in modern sports history and incited the demise of the metropolis of Detroit.

That brawl happened a few months after Artest asked for a month off to chill during the season since he was tired from producing a hip hop album that summer. Just recently, Ron Ron admitted to drinking Hennessy during halftime when he played with the Chicago Bulls. (If only Charlie Villanueva was his teammate, @CV31 could have tweeted “Ron Ron’s sippin on some cognac. 2nd half is gonna get willdddd!”). Artest has been suspended more times than Zach Morris. In fact, if Artest was Canadian and homosexual he would be the spitting image Sean Avery.

But for me, Ron Artest is my boy.

He might not actually be one of my “boys”, but this term “friend” can certainly liberally defined when you are disillusioned Johnnies fanatic. The fact is I like Ron Ron more than 72% of my Facebook “friends” and that’s what really matters.

I have had the pleasure of a few real life interactions with Ron Ron. The two years he played for the Johnnies were my junior and senior year of high school and I had seats right behind the bench. Besides being an absolute man child on the court (Perhaps he too drinks “Ron Ron” juice) he was also a total goofball. One game Artest was dressed but wasn’t playing. I tapped him on the back and asked him what was up. He said his thumb was sore. I asked him how it happened. He said “Nintendo”. Starring in the role of the confused, ignorant white boy I then said that didn’t make sense. He then explained he had played Bond on Nintendo for 18 straight hours the day before and now his thumb was sore. Fascinating.

More recently, I walked by Artest at the airport. When I realized it was him I said “Wassup Ron Ron” and he replied “Yo Littyhoops”. This story is true besides the part where he says Littyhoops.

The simple fact is that Artest is misunderstood. Foe those who live beyond the rough and gritty 10 mile corridor between Queensbride and Great Neck, it must be hard to imagine what it’s like to cruise down Jamaica BLVD searching for White Castle drive through window while blasting NaS. Did you know that Artest applied for a job at Best Buy when he was on the Bulls so he could get the employee discount and put down Jerry Krause as his reference?

You might remember last year’s hard fought seven game playoff series between the Lakers and the Rockets. Artest was ejected from Game 2 when he confronted Kobe after being elbowed in the throat. Asked if he would retaliate, Artest shared a story from the neighborhood when his friend was stabbed threw the heart with a leg from a table and he was accustom to that kind of stuff. Miraculously, this story seems to be true as here is a New York Times story from 1991 that reports a basketball death. —

Ron seems to have mellowed out some now that he resides on the left coast. A few weeks ago he kibbutzed with Jimmy Kimmel in his boxers. In spite of (or maybe because) all his craziness, Ron gives one heck of an entertaining interview.

But hey, according to Ron Ron that wasn’t even Ron Ron (shades of Locke character in Season 5 finale.

Did you know that Ron’s favorite movie is Titanic. Watch his inspired performance of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On”. If you don’t like that rendition, try this one (about 30 seconds into the video).

Ron Artest is even down with the Hasidm and the Chabad House. Arest got out of bed early in the morning to raise 29K for the Yids! —
Ron gives more time to Elie Seckbach than just about any other NBA player and Elie certainly agrees with Littyhoops that Ron Ron is a mensch.

So, if I’ve turned you on to another side of Ron Arest, you should email him yourself and see what he’s all about at shinshinartest@gmail.com Or you can hit him up on twitter @BASKETBALL_RON. There’s a good chance he will call you back.

Maybe make some plans with him to meet up late night and eat some hot dos wrapped in bacon!