The NCAA currently has three years left on an agreement with CBS, signed in 1999 for over $6 billion, which would pay them about $700 Million per year for the broadcast rights to the tournament. The NCAA can also opt out of the current deal and sign a new deal (kind of like Dirk this summer). The expanded format, which includes the 32 additional games, is attractive to both CBS and ESPN as it allow for two more full days of programming. Reported by SBJ, ESPN’s bid ($800M per year over 14 years) is a bit less than the combined bid by CBS and Turner ($840 per year). The NCAA has yet to make a decision.

Besides having a rooting interest in this as a college hoops fanatic, I’m also intrigued by how the digital component plays into the equation. March Madness On Demand, the online streaming of all NCAA tournament games, is lauded each year as the ideal online live video programming event. In 2010, over 6 million viewers tuned in to the first two days to combine for over 8.7 million hours of live streaming. More importantly, the event generated over $37M in online ad sales.

Let’s take a closer look at this $37M. It’s 20% better than the online ad revenue in 2009. It’s almost 9x better than the revenue MMOD generated in 2006 (the first year it was free and completely ad-supported). And if we turn back the clock all the way to 2005, when CSTV acquired the rights to MMOD and produced the event (with yours truly playing the role of the little boy who tried to put his finger in the well to avert complete calamity), the total revenue was less than $1MM with online advertising accounting for less than $300K. AdAge does a good job of breaking down the annual digital revenue.

Despite this exponential growth (in a time when television sales has stayed pretty stagnant), digital revenues still account for less than 10% of total revenues generated by CBS. What’ shocking is trying to predict how the networks valued digital revenue growth in making their bids. My guess is that the number is close $0.

Yup. I’m calling it like just like I had Butler going to the national championship game. One of the most successful online video franchises in the history of the web will cease to exist in 2011.

Whoever has the rights in 2011 will have a huge cable presence. CBS plans to partner with Turner and broadcast games on CBS, TNT, TBS and truTV. I’m not sure of ESPN’s plan but my guess is that their distribution would include ESPN2, ESPNU and ABC. Basically the Mega March Madness product exclusive to DirecTV will be shifted to regular cable. Chris Littman (another Litty??) of the Sportingnews.com does a nice job breaking down the media implications.

Cable companies don’t like to give away their most valuable content online for free. No matter how well they sell digital, it is still more difficult to monetize a user to the same extent as a television viewer. Combine that with the fact that cable companies make a substantial percentage of their total revenues (usually greater than their advertising revenue) from carriage fees paid by the major cable companies for their content. This shift to cable plus the additional programming is what accounts for the higher rights fees. Cable companies (Comcast, Time Warner, Cox, DirecTV, etc.) are super protective of their investment in content and won’t stand to see it given away for free online (unless they can fully control the experience). If you want proof, check out the digital access model employed by ESPN for ESPN3.com.

For the viewer/fan, this means they will probably be able to watch every game televised live in it’s entirety on good old television. No more cursing CBS as you miss miraculous game winner after unbelievable buzzer beater. What you will most likely forfeit is the opportunity to watch games online at work during the day. Of course, this all becomes a moot point as the convergence of digital and television unfolds (which seems inevitable but might not happen in 2011).

Does it seem like this would be a move backwards? Maybe or maybe not. Even without an online streaming product, I’d bet their will be some kind of digital or mobile distribution solution. Perhaps this is in the hands of the MSO’s (as Comcast is trying to do with Xfinity) instead of the content providers. Perhaps the NCAA carves out specific stipulations regarding digital in the deal. Or it could be a renegade technology (Slingbox-esque). Perhaps I’m totally wrong and MMOD will be back in it’s same exact form next season.

I am willing to bet that how the tournament is broadcasted and distributed five years from now will be more shocking and unimaginable than the how far it’s all come since I worked on this little project back in 2005. At the time, the prevailing thought was that MMOD didn’t sell well because it just wasn’t good content/product.

What I’m really saying is brace yourself to experience Steve Lavin and the Johnnies cutting down the nets in 4D (don’t forget the psychedelic dimension) brooo!!!!

There’s a whole crew of Litvacks in the world beyond my immediate and extended family. In fact, there are over 230 of them on Facebook (with another 1100 that spell their name Litvak) including a Gustavo and a Zohar! Many of them seem to live in Canada. There is a state representative in Utah named David Litvack. I’m not sure how a jew wins an election in Utah but a hearty mazel tov to Dave. Sandy Litvack is a prominent anti-trust litigator who used to be on the corporate management team at Disney and now picks battles with Google. Heck, I just learned about Lyida Litvyak who was a female ace fighter pilot in the Soviet Air Force during WWII and shot down 12 enemy planes. Hopefully one day Brian will be more than just a starving blogger.

Often, when I meet an old Jewish dude (rabbis, jewelers and Boca Raton country club members) and they learn my name they have a similar peculiar reaction. They knowingly raise their eyebrows and go “Ahhh, you’re a Litvack. The Litvacks and the Galitzianers!“. Never have I been able to get to the bottom of what this means exactly. I do know it has something to do with jewish people from eastern europe. But that is the extent of it. I recently asked my Nana (a Litvack by marriage to poppy Saul) about this. She raised her eyebrows and said “Ahhh, the Litvacks and the Galitzianers”. When I asked her what that means, she replied that she had no idea. If she ever did know, she had forgotten long ago!

The other suspect occurrence which happens occasionally is that I will meet someone with a different last name who will tell me they are a Litvack. My natural response is to respond “No, you are clearly not” and then stare at them really obnoxiously (sometimes growing up in Long Island comes in handy!) until we move on to the next subject.

With nowhere to turn, I logged into cyberspace to see what I could dig up and find out what the heck is up with a Galitzianer. Hashem, was I shocked with what I uncovered.

The noun Litvak is actually Yiddish for Lithuanian Jew (although Litvaks also resided in Latvia and Belarus). These mitnagged jews were characterized by their opposition to Hasidism and Hasidic teachings. Jews began living in Lithuania as early as the 8th century and numbered over 250,000 by 1923 with most being of Litvak origin. In the 20th century, many Litvaks emigrated to North and South America, Great Britain, Australia and South Africa. There are now under 4,000 Jews left in Lithuania.

Blah, blah, blah. Enough with the history lesson. There’s a reason why European History was the most boring class of my life and it goes way beyond Dr. Weiss’s crappy lectures about the de’Medici family!

Now, this is where things get spicier than a kosher KFC sandwich.

According to the credible sources at Wikipedia, Litvaks were considered to be more intellectual and stoic than their rivals, the Galitzianers. My people thought of Galitzianers as irrational and uneducated. The rivalry was so intense that Ira Steingroot dubbed it the Ashekenazi version of the Hatfieds and the McCoys in his Yiddish Knowledge Cards. Besides acting like Ashekenazi trash, the Galitzianers also butchered the dialect and crossed the “Gefilte Fish Line” by favoring rich, heavily sweetened dishes.

When a Litvak prays he stands rock still and only moves his lips.
When a Galitizianer prays he gets on his knees and begs to pagan idols like Prince Akeem’s servents in Coming to America.

When a Litvack recites the Friday night Kiddush he sits.
A Galitizianer is already too drunk and blacked out to say the prayer!

Litvaks are characterized as being rational, dogmatic and authoritarian.
Galitzianers are loopy, loony and subservient.

Litvaks eat fish like normal people.
Galitzianers sprinkle powdered sugar on their fish like it’s funnel cake or a Big Sexy Pop.

Modern Day Litvaks like March Madness, the Super Bowl and the NFL Draft Combine.
Modern Day Galitzianers watch Jon and Kate Plus Eight.

Ever hear a polish joke. Yup, that’s referring to Galitzianers who originated in the south-eastern corner of Poland.

Most Galician jews lived poorly, working in small workshops as craftsman. Indeed some were physicians, intellectuals and lawyers but most probably worked in waste management.

In the Litvack spirit, for those who would like to read a more intellectual debate on the argument check out this argument between college professors from 1976 in Commentary Magazine.

There are all kinds of famous and acclaimed Litvaks including oligarch Roman Abramovich, ground breaking politician Harvey Milk, Sacha Baron Cohen, Bob Dylan, Menachim Begin, Ariel Sharon, writer Amos Oz, composer Leonard Cohen, painter Marc Chagall, the Three Stooges and Pink (on her mom’s side!).

I’ve never met a person with the last name of Galitzianer but rumor has it that famous Galician jews include Amy Winehouse, Roseanne Barr, Bobby Fischer, Monica Lewinsky, Julius and Ethle Rosenberg and Lizzy Grubman!

This Lent, I’m swearing off all Galitzianers once and for all! And you should too before they antique you with confectioner’s sugar!

And if you ever were curious to see the Litvak vs. Galitzianer rendition of “Who’s On First” here you go…

Small business owners have long ago figured out the key to advertising and marketing while brilliant MBA’s, award-winning agencies, and self-proclaimed “marketing gurus” hopelessly manipulate the 4 P’s of marketing into buzzwords of mass destruction. The simple principle: only spend money if it leads to making money!

Local businesses are advertising the same way that they did a decade ago. This includes the obligatory phone book ad, penny saver coupons and local print publications. If they want to go Hollywood (think car dealers) they pony up with a super cheesy thirty second radio or television advertisement. Case in point…

Until recently, there have been few truly effective (effective = money making) digital platforms for local small businesses to advertise efficiently. The one true success, Google, happens to also be the greatest company of this generation. For those who think Google is just a nifty tool to help pickup French chicks, the true value is that it enables businesses to place small text ads on relevant search result pages AND allows the advertiser to easily track the result of their advertising expense. But there is a tremendous opportunity that goes way beyond Google. Just ask your local pizza place, neighborhood bar, barber shop, arcade or bowling alley. My guess is that many small business owners just aren’t nerdy enough to be advertising through Google. In fact, small businesses often look at their web presence as a cost center in which they have to pay to develop and maintain their own website rather than as a revenue generating marketing play.

New digital start-ups try to conquer the local space because of the vast untapped market but the well runs dry before they ever see substantial advertising revenue. Dating back to the dot com days with Microsoft Sidewalk, to hyperlocal news sites like Backfence.com and experiments from the Washington Post, the local space has been a digital albatross. The cost to create local content far outweighs the non-existent revenue from the zipped pockets of non-digital local business owners.

Thanks to the ever-evolving digital landscape, local businesses now have a plethora of digital resources they can use to help drive sales. Restaurants have an increasingly significant reputation to maintain on review websites like Yelp, Menupages and Citysearch. Businesses can use Facebook fan pages combined with highly targeted facebook ads. Twitter is a fluent platform to instantly connect with customers. There is also a renewed focus and investment in local email newsletters (Thrillist, Urban Daddy, Flavorpill and enhanced television and newspaper websites. To take the place of failing print media companies, local news (Everyblock, Patch) and relevant blogs and blog networks (Outside.In, Placeblogger) are taking their place. An even more promising development is the progress of the mobile web which is naturally location conscious. New apps like Four Square, Loopt and even BBM have tremendous potential to connect advertisers with potential customers. This NY Times article does a good job sizing it up.

Before we all have a neighborhood block party let’s realize it’s going to take at least another decade for Joe the Plumber or the average small business owner to be digitally-aware enough to do their own online marketing. This creates a neat little digital black hole.

Great local digital applications for users.
Meager local advertiser revenues.

In this situation I think the middle man wins. Who or what can help local businesses advertise digitally through the many new local platforms? How can that scale by city or neighborhood? I don’t think an individual publisher or platform can scale on its own because the unit economics don’t work. By that I mean that the cost of monetizing in an individual market is greater than the current revenues generated from a limited local audience. But if the local sales costs can be reduced, or the audience better monetized, then the unit economics can make sense for individual platform/publishers. I don’t think the “middle man” is a marketing agency. That is too manual for the digital world. More likely, the “middle man” is some kind of automated market place that allows local businesses to efficiently spend on local advertising and see a positive ROI. Yeah, that is kind of similar to a Google Adwords model. But it doesn’t overcome the friction of bringing the non-digital small business on to the web. For once I don’t have all the answers! I would love to understand Google’s local strategy.

I’ve become a true believer that Sportsvite’s success will lie in local. Participating in recreational sports is inherently local. No matter how well we can aggregate a recreational sports audience, the most value to marketer’s lies in how Sportsvite can influence their local activity. As Sportsvite captures the attention of players within their community, it is creating a highly effective marketing platform. Now we just need to understand how to reach the local advertisers and then scale to just about everywhere!

Why the hostility you might ask? Well, for ten straight days I was eaten like a slice of pecan pie at the Klumps dinner table. I had more bites than a stoned college kid’s fishing rod at the Spring Valley Trout Farm. My arms and legs were so bitten up that I did the Helen Keller (Houston, Texas) and scratched from my hips. In the amusement park known as hell, I had the VIP fast pass at the Mosquito petting zoo.

I repeatedly asked Doctor Beyda how many mosquito bites it would take to end a life (answer unknown) and then itched backwards to figure out how soon I would scratch out my existence. I resorted to wearing mosquito protectors (jeans) at night and carrying around a placebo stick (cortisone cream) like it was my Epipen. Each time I interacted with a new human, I curiously asked them how they faired with dem’ darn Mosquitoes. If they didn’t publicly disavow the entire Culicidae family of insects right to existence, I labeled them as an insect zealot infected with the “bug”.

I’ve started to research the potential for a Mosquito vaccine. I’ve offered Doctor Beyda a spot as my head of R & D but he seems a bit hesitant. Don’t worry Roy – you’ll obviously be my sales rep. If you think about it, there hasn’t been a major breakthrough since Dr. Calamine introduced his whack pink stuff. Talk about some Snake Oil, Calamine’s ponzi is one of the biggest scams since they started charging for extra BBQ sauce at McDonald’s. In fact, in 1992 the FDA announced that there is no proof that Calamine lotion is safe for use or even effective in treating bug bites. I’m sure we can develop Litvacide Solution to those same lofty standards.

Other ineffective placebo tools, and lowly competitors, include Citronella candles, yellow bug lights, electronic zappers or hanging out with purple martins who will actually dine on mosquitoes. Doctor Beyda suggests surrounding yourself with cups of Listerine (ha – that’s what happens when you go to medical school in a dessert!) DEET and other insect repellents are somewhat effective in preventing bites…and in ensuring that you first born son has two noses and talks like Bill Walton

The first tenet of any legitimate holy war is education and I’ve done my research. Mosquito bites, like headaches, are caused by the female. The she-mosquito feeds off blood by piercing skin with her mouth. While sucking blood, she also deposits some of her saliva into the skin. This saliva contains proteins that remain in the skin. A human body’s immune system may then react to those proteins, resulting in the characteristic torture.

Like Chia Pets, puddles and Slip N’ Slides, Mosquitoes do best in stagnant or standing water. Therefore they are most horny in roof gutters, wading pools, birdbaths, old tires and Bobby Digital’s palms.

I used to believe that I was at the receiving end of so many bites because my blood was as sweet as a George Gervin finger roll. Although annoying, I begrudgingly accepted this because it felt good to be desired by any sort of female. Then one horrific day, an Asian lawyer told me that everybody gets bitten and that I’m just more allergic to the bites. Because she was an Asian lawyer, and I a burned out blogger, I took her word as truth. BUT, according to the Mayo Clinic website, “Mosquitoes select their victims by evaluating scent, exhaled carbon dioxide and the chemicals in an individual’s sweat. Overweight men are most susceptible. Bingo! Not even my Neanderthal nightly snoring could keep the little buggers away from the irresistible sweet scents of my perspiration, halitosis and underarm odor.

One of my most troubling fears was that the torture of Mosquito bites would prevent me from relocating to Costa Rica after I have my ultimate mental breakdown, fall out of society and wander south. But then I learned that adults become less sensitized to bites if bitten many times throughout life. Therefore, not only will I not die with N+1 bites but I’ll become even more immune.

If all of this hasn’t sold you on joining my holy war than consider this – Mosquito’s can carry Malaria, West Nile and Dengue Fever! Heck, they might as well be included in the plagues sent down to Pharaoh (oh wait, they were). Malaria is to the third world what Swine Flu is to narcotic jewish Long Island mothers. Between one and three million people die every year from malaria (90% in Sub-Sahara Africa). If that doesn’t get you angry, check out this video of a mosquito raping a human.

As I was watching football the other night there was public service announcement to “text” a $10 mosquito net to the third world. I obviously did my part and donated a net through this amazing charity Nothing But Nets. Almost three million nets have been donated. Naturally, I then requested that they send me one for my own precious protection.

But enough with this low-tech netting stuff. I want to develop the vaccine. I want to annihilate and then eradicate their species. The only Mosquitoes that remain standing will be the band from Gilligan’s Island. I want to be the Grand Exterminator in Dostoevsky’s next novel . We’ll make them buggers endangered and cheer their extinction. Even Bill Gates is on my side! It will be like the big battle in Avatar, except this time the mean, ugly white capitalists will win. So sting away suckers, because the Littyhoops Nation is ready to battle!

Here’s the deal. I live on the Upper East Side in a studio. I’m on the ground floor of a walk up building. This works out great because I’m too lazy to walk up stairs, I’m terrified by doormen, and more importantly I have an awesome outdoor deck that is an amazingly peaceful place to hang out and bbq when the weather is decent. My few gripes is that the studio is small, the neighborhood convenient but uninspiring and I’m void of a dishwasher, climate control and real windows. Yes, there are also huge sewer rats in the backyard beyond the deck but these creatures have yet to attack and it seems like we’ve reluctantly agreed to coexist (I would kill them all in a second if I could) on the island kind of like the Dharma Initiative and the hostiles.

Since I’m too lazy to look around, I figure I’ll write exactly what I’m looking for and one of the millions of YBIML readers will reply with a hot tip or some amazing hook up.

First, let me get it off my chest that I’d really just like to take my awesome house that I lived in San Diego and plop it down in Central Park and be done with it. But since that’s not happening here goes. I’d like to find a one bedroom (or a big studio) in an interesting neighborhood. My definition of interesting is someplace that I can go for a walk and appreciate the fact that I live in the best city in the world. I would happily migrate downtown and would dig the east village, union square, nolita or even gramcery park. As I said, I’m not a big doorman guy and would rather find an apartment that is unique or different than the standard cookie cutter square closet. I’m a big, big fan of outdoor space. I find that natural sunlight is also therapeutic for the Littyhoops soul.

Hit me up if you have anything good for me.

You may have noticed that I often sport a guitar string bracelet or two on my right wrist. I don’t wear a watch (aversion to time) so the bracelet sticks out and people often ask me about it. I’ll usually explain (unless I make up a ridiculous 9x exaggerated story) that the bracelet is made of guitar strings and they’re produced by a friend and business partner. If I’m in a good mood, I might just take the guitar strings off and present it to you as a good karma offering. I figure that if you enjoy wearing it as much as me, you’ll really appreciate the gift.

The bracelet’s are made by Wear Your Music, a company started by Steve Bernstein. At first, all of the bracelets were made from strings of famous musicians including the Rolling Stones’ Keith Richards, guitar legend Les Paul and heartthrob John Mayer. The overwhelming response inspired WYM to begin offering a line of lower priced bracelets. Steve is a former trader who left Wall Street to follow his love for music. He bought Relix Magazine and turned it into a media company called Zenbu that owns a bunch of music publications and websites and produces music events like the Jammy’s and the Green Apple Festival.

A few years ago, a mutual business contact introduced us to Steve. He wanted help putting together a “color war” sports competition for adults in New York City. At first we weren’t sure if we wanted to get involved in producing an actual event (we’re digital nerds) but ultimately we did it because Steve seemed like a guy who could make things happen and would be fun to work with. We partnered (along with the Corporate League) to organize the Battle For Manhattan in 2008. Check out this highlight video from the 5k run.

Each time I went to Steve’s office for a B for M meeting I’d grab a fresh supply of bracelets. I handed them out around the office and gave them away to friends. Once, I took one off of my wrist and gave it to a homeless guy who was eyeing it. The last one I gave away was to a girl from college who I hadn’t seen in awhile. She had lost her job and was down on her luck. I promised her the bracelet would turn everything. A few minutes later I saw her again and the bracelet was gone. She told me it had been stolen. I kind of felt bad for her AND the bracelet. They both deserved a better fate. Now I’m a bit more mindful who I share them with!

I ran out of bracelets a few months ago and spent most of the winter with a naked and exposed wrist. We decided not to continue the Battle For Manhattan in 2009 so I hadn’t connected with Steve in awhile. I even shot him an email saying that we should catch up, but my true motive was just to get back into his office so I could stuf my pockets with a refill of new brass!

A few weeks ago, on my birthday, I was at dinner with my family when I realized my mom was wearing a bunch of guitar string bracelets! I couldn’t believe the coincidence and asked her a) where she got them and b) if I could have them! She gladly handed them over but then lamented that she was trying to sell them as fundraising effort for a charitable foundation. I then reminded her that although it was my birthday, it was her lucky day, as her only son happens to be a starving and fledging blogger desperately cultivating YBIML as a way to reach the masses! (FYI – This is mere weeks before my sister @nhltvgirl became a celebrity twitterer. If you ask Lisa, she is neck and neck with Ashton in adding new followers!)

So here’s the deal. The bracelets are $10 each. The entire $10 goes to the Sass Foundation which helps in the fight against cancer. If you buy one, I will chip in for another $10 and give you two for the price of one. I might also mention you by name in an upcoming blog post (hint hint). The only condition is that you have to give the other bracelet to somebody you really care about or who really needs it!

If you’re interested (by now you best be) you can pay me in person or by paypal (bgl213@aol.com). I’ll have my mom send you the bracelets (free shipping). I think she has most of the different colors. Right now I’m rocking party purple although rock star red, black and guitar god gold are my top three. Simply silver is cool but looks too much like those freaky magnetic bands.

How many

2 bracelets $10.00 3 bracelets $20.00

There you have. Bet you never thought YBIML would help you accessorize.

PS – The one size fits all bracelets somehow magically fit perfectly to your wrist. It’s sensational

Many of you might have heard about the Montauk Monster. It’s been all over the news over the last few days. Gawker broke the horror story a few weeks ago and CNN is covering it with this investigative gem. Check out the photo below.

I have a fervent conviction in the truthfulness of bizarre news stories. I’m still trying to locate Bison Dele on the high seas aboard the Hakuna Matata and the only hoax with the Cambodian Midget Fighting League was the cover up. I’ve also personally vowed never to let a monster incite fear into my people as the Kibbutz Monster did to us many moons ago.

So naturally I’ve scoured the wire, reading everything from legitimate news sources to insane blog post theories on the true nature of the monster.

The Monster is more than just an albatross to humanity; it is in fact all of our dilemmas. Not since Nessy or Jason Lillian, has such a beast terrified humanity. It has the mysteriousness of a spider’s web, the versatility of a liger, the dexterity of a blue collar butterfly and the ferocity of Matt’s bodyguard Rocco.

The Montauk Monster eats just about everything except Chicken Marsala. It especially enjoys late night cheese steaks, Twix ice cream bars, random sausage and parmiGINA cheese. It also snacks on Chicken Salad.

No one has yet figured out how to conquer the monster when it attacks or how this one washed up on the shore. Actually, nobody is sure if this one is dead or has just been perfectly still since it was discovered. A prevailing theory is to attempt to sedate it with a mixture of “advil”, tussin and Excedrin Migraine medication and then trap it with a Roman Helmet and a barrage of jelly fish. If that doesn’t work, mankind’s last hope is to send out fearless Roy to befriend it with his natural charm and charismatic delivery and a piece of string (this despite a limp labrum). To prepare for his Moby Dick moment, Roy walked 13 miles over the weekend!

The monster is not circumcised and has never faked an ACL injury.

Some people (joel mazur) don’t know if the monster stands for good or evil, peace or destruction, prosperity or bankruptcy. Even if they did know they wouldn’t know the difference (how would he even knoooooow). As long as it has a gentile appearance to the untrained eye, likes to play backgammon and isn’t afraid to take a flyer on Eddy Curry it gets a bid to Delta Sig.

Little guys across the globe are petrified of the monster and are especially overcome with fear when in the dark. They hide under their soiled sheets and if there are no sheets they bash their backside into spackled walls and dry heave from the bottom of their coreless core’s while they hide in fear. Hey, there’s one in every crew.

A group of scientists tried to contact the remaining monsters by SMS but received perplexing replies that bordered on erotic perversion. Apparently the monster likes to procreate but has been trapped in a sea of creatures with conflicting sexual orientation.

We all hope this story has a happy ending. It’s quite a cutesy beast after all.

Full Disclaimer: While this story is in fact accurate to each and every fact, Bonez hired me to pen this post for your edification and pleasure.

6 Sticks of high-fat Butter
8 Cups Canola Oil ( (substitute beef suet or tallow for meatier flavor)
1 lb. Milk Chocolate
32 oz. Sauerkraut
Spicy Brown Mustard
Whipped Cream
Powdered Suger
6 Popsicle sticks
Wax Paper
Special Sauce

Insert popsicle (wooden or plastic) stick and freeze High-Fat Butter for at least 24 hours. This prevents melting when the butter is being deep fried.
Heat Canola Oil in Deep Fryer at 375 degrees. I recommend the Presto 05466 ProFry Stainless-Steel Dual-Basket Immersion Fryer, but anything will do. Keep Oil heated below its smoke point. Dip butter into oil and keep submerged until outer coat is crisp and brown. Place butter sticks on wax paper and let dry.

Break chocolate into small pieces. Add water to double boiler and boil at high temperature. Add the chocolate to top of double boiler. Stir the chocolate constantly until melted and smooth. Try not to heat it much more after it is melted. Remember, milk chocolate will scorch more easily than dark/plain chocolate due to the milk solids.

Once butter pops are dry and chocolate is melted, dip bars into melted chocolate. Fully coat bars until they are completely covered in chocolate. Place on new sheet of wax paper and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

When pops are ready to be served, garnish with generous portions of sauerkraut, spicy brown mustard, whipped cream and powdered sugar. The whipped cream can be store bought or whip some up fresh with thick cream and a little N20 using The Mosa Whip Cream Dispenser.

Least but not least, add the special sauce.

Big Sexy Pops can go over well at almost any occasion but is especially a crowd-pleaser at cholesterol friendly events. They are universally regarded as one of the tastiest foods served on a stick. Currently, there is no way to show your devotion or appreciation to BSP’s but I did find these t-shirts that promote Butter Sticks.

So eat up, enjoy and Bon Appetite!

]]> http://www.blog.littyhoops.com/2008/05/18/recipe-of-the-week-big-sexy-pops/feed/ 0 http://www.blog.littyhoops.com/2008/05/12/its-time-for-a-shvitz/ http://www.blog.littyhoops.com/2008/05/12/its-time-for-a-shvitz/#comments Mon, 12 May 2008 07:12:29 +0000 Litty http://www.blog.littyhoops.com/2008/05/12/its-time-for-a-shvitz/ My friend Kras hit me up this past Saturday morning to hang out. Until then, my plan was to stay in bed as long as possible to try and sleep off a great night of celebrating the Weilgus engagement that somehow ended with a little too much late night Pop Burger. Kras first proposed golf or the gym but I quickly negged anything that would exert physical activity. So when he proposed we go to “Shvitz” I was intrigued. Kras has been hyping up this Russian & Turkish Baths for a few years and it sounded just weird enough that it was worth trying out. We called Da Bwetty to join us and were on our way.

I’m not sure if the place is called Shvitz, nicknamed Shvitz, or you just go there to have a Shvitz. The building looks modern from the outside (thanks to a recent remodeling) but once you get inside you’re back in the first half of the 20th century. It actually opened in 1892. Since it is co-ed you can wear their standard issue complimentary shorts and robe or rock your own swim wear. Softly, we all chose to wear our own bottoms.

In the locker room we ran into our friend Frumpkin’s dad who Kras knew. At first I thought this was a coincidence, but I quickly learned that the elder Frumpkin is a regular schvitzer. When Kras mentioned it was our first visit, Mr. Frumpkin generously insisted that we get the “Platza” on his tab. He told Mashaf, the Platza guru, to make it extra hot and hit us extra hard and that he’ll get a bigger tip if we pass out. At this point I had no clue what to expect.

The facility included a Redwood Sauna, a Turkish Sauna room with radiated heat, a steam room, the Russian Room, an ice cold pool, and a Swedish Shower (the human power washer!). After warming up in the saunas we headed to the Russian Room. In this room the oven is filled with 20,000 lbs. of rock which are cooked overnight. During the day, these rocks give off an intense heat. Therefore the room is immersed in a hot, very steamy, stone furnaced “radiant heat”. When the heat starts to get unbearable, you can take one of the dozens of buckets around the room, fill it with ice cold water, and like the Russians hundreds of years before you, dump it over your head.

This in itself would have probably been a satisfying experience but we soon experienced the added intensity of the Platza. Brett went first. He lied down on his belly and proceeded to get vigorously beat with a broom made of fresh oak leaves. The oak leaves supposedly contain a natural astringent, which will open your pours, remove toxins, and actually take off layers of dead skin. Mashaf also covered Brett with olive oil soaps and then drenched him in buckets of hot and cold water. He would lift Brett’s legs and karate chop his back. I had to stop watching. I went upstairs to get a bottle of water and try and prepare myself for what seemed to be similar to water boarding torture. Finally, Brett whisked out of Swedish shower where he was power washed. He then jumped into the ice cold pool and dried down. As I was about to enter the Russian room Brett turns to me and warned “don’t touch the wall…it will burn you”.

My only plan was to survive this torture…and not touch the wall. At times I thought I was going to pass out and at times I wondered why this guy was beating me so damn hard. I had to stop at one point to drink some water and was thinking about cutting it short but knew I could never live with myself or face Mr. Frumpkin if I did that. I made it through, got the power wash, jumped in the ice pool and dried down. After a few minutes I had my bearings and was sitting next to Brett on a bench

All of a sudden, I realized that I’ve never felt better or more relaxed in my life. I’m not sure if the euphoria was because I was no longer being beaten or if Platza is really “Jewish Accupuncture”. It was like I was on 10 vicodin! Brett and I just sat there for a good 15 minutes with grins on our faces. Afterwards we headed up to the roof deck and chilled out for another half hour or so. We ended our afternoon experience with a snack from Anna’s Kitchen. Kras and Brett ordered the Chicken Soup while I munched on potato blini.

I left a true believer. We met one guy the sauna who told us he’s gone there every single day for the last 20 years of his life. I’m not sure that will ever be me but I can definitely hit this place up once a month. P-Diddy, Russell Simmons and Colin Farrell are regulars and perhaps soon da Bwetty and Lhoops will be too!

Here is a very weird, yet accurate, video of Platza I found on YouTube. You can also watch this news segment which is a bit more of an accurate portrayal.

Also, check out Shvitz on Myspace.

I bounced out of work early tonight and headed uptown for some dodgeball playoff action. My team, Dodgeball 2.0, consists of NextNY entrepreneurs and we’ve been enjoying a decent amount of success in our second season. While I’m not in love with dodgeball leagues (awkwardly intense) I’ve enjoyed playing on this team. I love the personalities and energy of the team and it’s nice to blow off steam with people who share a common entrepreneurial path. Unfortunately, we had a few key players missing this week to a techy conference in Miami. Although we split our four matches it wasn’t enough to advance.

I got out of dodgeball just in time to check out a Mos Def conversation at the 92nd street Y. I’ve always liked his style and was interested to hear what he had to say. I learned about the event on an Urban Daddy newsletter earlier in the day and sent out an email to friends to see if anybody else was interested. There were no bites so I rolled solo.

I’m super glad I went as I was really impressed with Mos Def. He is such an astute observer of society which he then processes in his own unique way. Mos Def has the amazing ability to articulate his thoughts in such a rhythmatic flow that makes his words even more captivating. He speaks in such a deliberate and patient manner. It seems like he pauses in mid-sentence to scan his own mental dictionary for the perfect word or phrase and then nails it every time. He gets you to want to listen to what he has to say next. I think that is called charisma.

Some of the topics that were discussed were his musical and theatrical beginnings as a boy, Barack Obama and the presidential elections, society’s use of the N-word, some of the major influences in his life, his new movie Be Kind Rewind, and his thoughts on the current state of hip hop. To the crowds delight he freestyled a verse from an album that he is working on that showed off his amazing talent and then played another track from his album called Pretty Dancer as a tribute to Muhammad Ali.

It struck me that Mos Def is one of those people who defines cool. He is so confident, positive, easy going, articulate and thoughtful that instead of trying to be cool, he is just himself and sets the standard for cool. At one point he talked about the concept of being on the edge and the ability to turn the edge into the center. He wasn’t talking about himself but it would have been appropriate. The dude next to me was taking notes throughout the interview and I wish I had as well as he continuously dropped nuggets of wisdom. He referenced Howard Zinn and MLK Jr. Finally, I was impressed how far Mos is able to take his own unique thoughts and how well he can develop them. He spoke a lot about intuition (especially when asked a pointed question about his claim on the Bill Maher show that he doesn’t believe that Osama Bin-Laden was behind 9/11) and seems to have an intrinsic trust in his own views. He never tries to draw back to the prevailing societal viewpoint. He isn’t afraid. He’s not trying to be controversial or put down society – he just sees it the way he sees it and that works for him.

I also enjoyed the black culture experience of the event as most of the audience was black. Sometimes if you look at the same thing through a different lens you see a totally different picture. People like to define race by the color of one’s skin but for better or worse it seems like there is a lot more culture, history and values baked into it.

So props to Mos Def. I’m putting him in the top 10 people I would like to share a beer with — which is a blog post that is definitely waiting to be written.

Hit me up if you have any cool NYC events on the calendar. I’m always in the mood for some athletic activity or the chance to be inspired.

Here is a video clip of Mos Def reciting an excerpt of a Malcom X speech…

UPDATE: I got some blog love from the 92nd Street Y’s very own blog here.

Also, my little sis also sent me a pretty funny post on how white people love Mos Def on a ridiculously snarky and ironic blog called Stuff White People Like.