Tuesday, November 1st, 2011...12:00 am
LittyHoops Cookbook: The 5 Hour Acai-E Popsicle
A few months back I made an executive culinary decision to invest in a Zoku Quick Pop Maker. This marvelous technological device freezes popsicles in just seven to nine minutes. It’s positively scientific to watch a liquid concoction instantly freeze before thy own very eyes.
Not one to lick my own popsicle, I’m somewhat known to be both daring and risqué when it comes to desserts. So I embarked on an epicurean adventure to create the next great popsicle and avenge my nemesis’s creation of the Big Sexy Pop (now sold at the Iowa State Fair).
I started off using simple ingredients like coconut water, Gatorade, coffee and grape juice. I struck out on the whipped cream pop. My pudding pop was respectable but unremarkable. The PB&J freeze failed to congeal properly. I’m not going to mention my avocado and salsa chilled samba.
The need to create the perfect popsicle became my one obsession. I thought about it day and night. Then I went to sleep and I dreamed about it. I even thought about popsicles as I rewatched the Johnnies exhibition game against CW Post on the internet.
I envisioned form. I contemplated texture. I learned how to mentally convert temperatures from Fahrenheit to Celsius to get a better grasp of how foreign objects freeze.
Then one fortuitous evening, as I was baking kale chips and watching PTI on dvr, it came to me. The Popsicle needs to be about more than just taste. It should be functional. It must be fun. The popsicle of tomorrow would have a physical, mental and emotional impact. It should change the world!
Naturally, I based my popsicle on the one ingredient that has had the most profound effect on my personality, relationships and social life. That would be 5 Hour Energy. If at any point in the last six months you’ve seen me and thought to yourself “boy, that Litty seems quite charming, energetic and lively” it was because I was under the influence of 5 Hour E. It’s just the right mix of B12, Folic Acid and Caffeine and Taurine to lift me out my mopey haze and allow me to absolutely kill it!
The only issue I have with 5 Hour E is that sometimes I’m so enhanced that I want to ensure peak performance while never experiencing the effects of time (300 minutes is always ticking away) or aging. Plus, while I’m projecting greatness out to the external world I also need to allow my internal systems to neutralize free radicals. It’s essential I get my daily dose of antioxidants like anthocyanins and falvonoids.
Enter the Acai berry. The superfood cultivated in the Amazon is an antioxidant powerhouse with fascinating nutritional benefits. It’s not only supports native jungle tribes but it also generates millions in multi-level marketing scams!
When combined and frozen, the 5 Hour Acai-E popsicle has awesome mystical powers. It also tastes great and is fun to eat!
You might ask why does this potion need to be frozen and molded into a pop. I might answer why does water need to be frozen and shaped into a cube.
I think back to everything I’ve ever accomplished in life and try to imagine how much better it would have been if I had first consumed a 5 Hour Acai-E popsicle. Imagine watching the Johnnies go up by 25 at halftime against Duke at MSG on a 5HA-E pop! The only way I can actually imagine it is if I indulge in said popsicle!
Last weekend I went to Bloomingdale’s and bought a sports jacket. If I had first consumed a 5 Hour Acai-E Popsicle I would have sewed one myself!
This is just one example. You try it.
The other day I went —— and did ——. If I first snacked on a 5HA-E it would have been even more amazing!
I bet you didn’t know that the drugs in the movie Limitless are based on an 5 Hour Acai-E pop. David Freese enjoyed a 5 Hour Acai-E in the dugout after he dropped the flyball in Game 6. Yup, this pop gives a whole new meaning to juicing! Herman Cain was licking on a pop when he thought up his 9-9-9 tax plan! When Super Mario gets the star and becomes invincible he’s really just inhaling 5HA-E (albeit in gaseous form).
Suck on a 5 hour Acai-E pop and you’ll be soul cycling your way through your entire day!
1) Freeze your Zoku Pop Maker for 24 Hours
2) Pour 1 oz. of the 5-Hour Energy into the Zoku molds.
3) Wait 120 seconds
4) Add the Sambazon Acai juice
5) Let freeze for 314 seconds
6) Use the “Super Tool” to easily remove the pop
It’s that simple. A few easy steps and you to can be the best you that you can ever be!