Tuesday, September 7th, 2010...12:20 am

Shoelaces For Heisman

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I’m not sure the last time I’ve been as surprised by a sports event as much as I was watching Michigan Football led by Denard Robinson trounce UCONN last Saturday, 30-10. It was like learning that Brett Gardner really could hit a Home Run, Isiah resigns from the Knicks, St. John’s shooting 75% from the stripe in a game and Dr. Cockgrabbers Mexican Piggy Bank (my fantasy football team) scoring the most points in a weekend all in a two hour time period.

The highest expectation I had coming into the season was that we would be so bad and embarrassing that Dick Rod would be replaced before the season ended. Like a bright-eyed progressive two years after Obama’s inauguration, I had no hope. For the third straight season, Michigan had a three QB strategy less than 24 hours before the opening game. There’s not one skill position player on the offense with NFL potential. The defense, which was already awful to watch last season, lost it’s three best players and has a secondary with more walk-on’s then if Rudy’s offspring were cloned like Dolly the sheep.

So yeah, I was pumped to watch Shoelaces execute Rich Rod’s offense to perfection. At the very least, perhaps Rodriguez isn’t fully incompetent and he does have an offensive scheme that actually can work in college football (in fairness, he proved that at West Virginia). At the best, Robinson is developing into the dynamic quarterback that can do the same things Pat White did at West Virginia. Either way, I’m excited to watch Denard take on Notre Dame next week and that’s more than I could say before Saturday.

A few more thoughts…

Denard isn’t going to last long if he has to run the ball 29 times each game. He took a few big shots on Saturday. Also, I don’t know if he’ll ever go 19-for-22 again. If he’s really that good why’d it take Rodriguez until the night before the game to claim the starting gig?…It was wild to watch how much he improved from last year where he just ran around in circles without his shoelaces tied. Haven’t seen such sudden improvement since Ashley Simpson. He actually seemed poised and in control of the game and never came close to turning the ball over.

Is there a safer bet in America right now then to put your money on Tate Forcier transferring? You really think a member of QB Force is going to be a third-stringer? The Brothers Forcier have transferred more than the funds from Bernie Madoff’s hidden bank accounts. Watching Tate sulk on the sideline was almost as much fun as realzing that we were beating the same school that employs Jim Calhoun. I actually enjoyed watching Tate play last year. My big knock against him is that on a successful play he scampers for between 5-10 yards. In Rich Rod’s offense, there needs to be a QB who can break big plays (turns 7-yard scrambles into touchdowns) since there isn’t really a vertical passing game. Laces has that big play ability and hence is the guy we need to live or die by.

Not sure if there’s ever been more of a one-man football team in the history of football than our Wolverines. The closest thing, as Lil’ Guy likes to tell me, is when I used to play with Indiana in NCAA College Football 2003 for Playstation. I would first have to turn off fatigue and then change my lineup so Antwaan Randle-El was quarterback, cornerback, kick/punt returner and holder (for fakes). Problem is even though I entertained myself I would usually lose. The other problem is I’m not sure how to turn off fatigue in real life other than having Denard drink a few Rocket Fuels for breakfast on Saturday mornings and teaching him the magic of Velcro.

If Michigan can beat the Irish we have a great chance to be 5-0 going into a rivalry game with Michigan State. That would make the next five weeks of my life infinitely more interesting and actually justify the hundreds of hours of my time spent watching College Game Day, College Football Live and ESPN Insider. With Michigan not expected to be a factor this fall I was considering exploring the other 500 channels on my television set and watching shows like Little People Big World, Quints Surprise and keeping up with the lovable Kardashians.

I had an amusing moment to myself the other day reading how Greg Mathews, Johnny Sears, Alex Stenavich, Carson Butler, Donovan Warren, Stevie Brown and Carlos Brown were all cut during training camp. Shocker! A bit disappointed that Warren could have been a senior this year but years of psychological counseling has allowed me to overcome the empty abyss of Omar Cook syndrome.

Michigan has four players on the roster from Pahokee, Florida including Vincent Smith and Martavious Odoms. If you’re wondering how Muck City has such a strong football pipeline then you need to check out this youtube video on chasing cottton tail rabbits. It is one of my favorite Sportscenter features ever and will give you a full appreciation for how Odoms and Smith developed their abilty to cut down field.

Very neat to see Elliott Mealer’s brother Brock lead the team out on the field before the game. If you don’t know about Elliot tragic story you can read about it here. Watching him and his brother on Saturday reminded me why it’s so great to be a Michigan Man.

Speaking of Michgan men….

So after week #1 all I really have to say for now is…